Fetal Attraction

By Bill Maher

The pro-life folks hope we're all so creeped-out by that abortion mill in Philadelphia that we'll lose sight of the bigger issues with abortion:

1) The right to get one in America -- like every other country with paved streets and electric lights -- is settled law.

2) People who don't want to have babies shouldn't have them. You wouldn't force someone who hates dogs to take care of your dog.

3) The anti-abortion movement is 10% well-intentioned baby-fetishists who cry at diaper ads, 40% Christians who don't know or care about the difference between their faith and a law and 50% sinister flagellating puritan loons who don't give a shit about fetal heartbeats or any of that other shit, and just hate a) sex and b) women and would ban dancing if they could. Because the only pure pleasure, for good people, is telling other people what to do.

Take our old buddy, Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert. Last month there was (of course) another hearing on whittling away abortion rights by banning the procedure after 20 weeks. Gohmert was asked to consider the case of a woman who found out her fetus was brain-dead and didn't want to haul it around inside her for another five months, like a corpse in a car trunk. Could she have an abortion, please, Baptist deacon congressman from a distant state?

Gohmert replied: "Having my great sympathy and empathy both, I still come back wondering, shouldn't we wait... and see if the child can survive before we decide to rip him apart?"

How creepy is that? Yes, the baby might "survive," if you can call it that, at least for a few days or a week or so. But it doesn't have a brain. This isn't a special-needs child who will require an extra aide in the classroom; it's like the thing that burst out of John Hurt's chest in 'Alien.'

Empathy is the ability to imagine yourself in someone else's shoes. Republican congressman Louie Gohmert proudly imagines that he's a brain dead fetus. This explains much. It's too bad we already had our Craziest Congressman tournament, because Louie just unleashed the equivalent of a 90-foot shot into the net with one second left.