President Mitt

By Bill Maher

While I enjoyed President Obama's State of the Union, the new documentary 'MITT' gives us a small taste of what a Romney address would sound like, based on the version of the election-night victory speech he never got to give:

"Tonight, I want to speak about what lies ahead. About the tomorrow we can build together ... That freedom, so integral to the American experience, will again propel us forward to new heights of discovery, to new horizons of opportunity, and to new dimensions of prosperity."

Oh. My. Fucking. God.  

Take any of the nouns - "tomorrow," "freedom," "American experience," "discovery," "opportunity," "prosperity" and replace them with each other in any order:

"Tonight, I want to speak about what lies ahead. About the prosperity we can build together ... That discovery, so integral to opportunity, will again propel us forward to new heights of the American experience, to new horizons of tomorrow, and to new dimensions of freedom."

"About the American experience we can build together ... That tomorrow, so integral to freedom, will again propel us forward to new heights of opportunity, to new horizons of prosperity, and to new dimensions of discovery."

"About the freedom we can build together ... That American experience, so integral to tomorrow, will again propel us forward to new heights of prosperity..."

"About the Witherspoon we can Reese together... that Reese, so integral to Witherspoon...

I'm glad Mitt Romney is good with numbers, because he's never used words except to demonstrate contempt.