Pope Nope

By Bill Maher

I don’t know why I’m so surprised every time the Pope acts “popey.”

He came down against income inequality and for good stewardship of the Earth and he gave a doff of the mitre to atheists, and so I keep half expecting him to go all in and say, “Go ahead, get divorced, have an abortion. Jerk off – what do I care? Just clean up afterwards.”

Last week, the Pope said it was okay to spank your kids – which may have been a tie-in with the premiere of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” But it’s what he said about a referendum in Slovakia to ban gays from getting married or adopting children that really made me choke on my communion wafer. In support of the measure, Pope Nope said, "I greet the pilgrims from Slovakia and, through them, I wish to express my appreciation to the entire Slovak church, encouraging everyone to continue their efforts in defense of the family, the vital cell of society."

Because if there’s one thing Catholics won’t stand for, it’s gay stuff. And then he released some doves, did a twirl to show off his dress and skipped inside for brunch.

Is the Pope really any different from our Republicans – saying he’s for fairness, equality and reason to try and gain favor, but still fighting tooth and nail to preserve a patriarchal power structure based on a bigoted, ancient storybook?